i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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