I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
