I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
