what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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