yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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