Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
