coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
