he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
