He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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