You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
