I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
