i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
