Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He shit in the fireplace
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
