I just threw up on my dentist
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
