no, he came in my armpit
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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