my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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