Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
