I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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