I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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