Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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