my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
