I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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