If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize