Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
