just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
