you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
