Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
