my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
