Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
