I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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