Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Floor bacon is actually really good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
