maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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