I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Randomize