walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize