Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
