dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
