I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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