Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
