Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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