he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
