thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
