Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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