I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
