Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
