So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
