Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
