The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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