I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
