I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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