Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
