Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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