just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
