Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
