i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
