she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize