I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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