i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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