there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
