woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
