I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize