Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
