No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
