One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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