i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
