i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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