i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
