it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
