I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
