Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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