Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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