Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
