did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
