mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she looked like the before picture.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
